Clifford

It has been almost three weeks now since he left us and it has taken me this long to even be able to write about it.  I knew I would write about him when he left us, but I didn’t realize it would be this hard.  I thought I was prepared.  He was old, almost seventeen, which in dog years is almost 119…you would think that would be enough time.  If you told me when we brought him home that he would watch my children grow up and see them off to college I would have probably been elated and think wow, if I could just have him that long that would be just perfect!  Nope, I’m not elated, my heart is broken…I miss seeing his facing looking at me through the glass door every morning.  I still look, I can’t help it!  Every morning I walk through the living room and look through that glass onto my back porch just hoping to see him curled up on his bed. 

I look for many reasons…maybe out of habit, but mostly because I didn’t get to lay him to rest.  You see Clifford did everything his own way.  He was such a unique dog, but oh how special he was.  When we first got him he was Brett’s dog and for the most part he remained Brett’s dog, mainly because Brett is really the only person that he would let do anything to him.  We could all pet and play with him, but when it came to giving him medicine, getting a tick off, or even moving him to a different location it would have to be Brett.  He would run and chase the kids for hours…they use to play this game where one of them would lay at the end of the porch and the other, along with Clifford, would run across the porch and jump over the other one with Clifford right behind jumping over too!  He absolutely hated baths, not like a normal dog hated baths, but like it became so bad that when he seen us get the water hose we would not see him for the rest of the day! He was a red and white Australian Cattle dog and he definitely had “cow dog” in his blood.  I cannot tell you how many times he has chased our cows…when they didn’t need to be chased!  He also chased the horses too!  When I say he did everything his own way he certainly did….he refused to ride in a vehicle, front or back…he walked or ran wherever he went, no matter how many times we begged and enticed him with treats to ride!  He would only come in the house if it was bad weather and he would never get on the furniture, even when the kids tried to put him on the couch or the bed, he would only lay on the floor.  Oh, but if it was bad weather, he was coming in the house and not go out until it was over, no matter what!  He did not like other dogs coming around so through the years we had to gradually introduce him to new pets, he has seen several, but if I had to pick his favorites it would have to be Daisy, our little Dachshund, they just had a strong connection and although she was an inside dog, she would want to go outside and spend time with him.  They would curl up together often!  The other is Chesney, an Australian/Schnauzer mix that we got about 4 years ago.  We kept telling Haley once Clifford passed she could pick out a dog just for her, well the summer before her 9^th grade year we decided that Clifford wasn’t going anywhere and she could get a dog.  By this time Clifford had lost some of his sight, slept a lot, and just didn’t do much of anything.  Chesney gave him a renewed life, after just a few months he began running around, going to the barn, and sometimes even chasing the cows.  He even mimicked Chesney’s tricks in order to get some treats, Clifford had never attempted tricks at all!   Chesney is an amazing dog and we love him tremendously, but we never dreamed what a blessing he would be to Clifford!

I look because I didn’t get to tell him goodbye, but I did tell him thank you!  You see he had become extremely sick over the last few weeks of his life and every day we didn’t know if it would be his last.  He seemed to be barely hanging on, in fact he barely left his bed on the back porch and when he did we would have to help him back on the deck to get back to his bed, he was just that feeble.  However, one night a few weeks ago while working out in my shop here walks in Clifford.  He just lay down beside me and looked up at me with those big almost completely black eyes of his.  He looked so tired!  So I lay beside him and told him that it was okay, it was okay to go on.  I thanked him for taking care and loving my babies.  I thanked him for protecting them from the things that I knew and the things that I never knew.  I thanked him for playing with them and giving them so much joy.  I told him how good he was and how proud I was of him.  I told him that I knew he was tired and that he had done such an amazing job, but that he didn’t have to worry about them anymore, he could just go rest.  I really thought this would be the night, I thought that he may pass right then and there, but just like Clifford, when Chesney came up and sniffed his face he growled and jumped right up.  I just started laughing through the tears!

I look because when I got home one afternoon he was just gone.  This dog who could barely get back and forth from the porch to his bed was completely gone.  I looked everywhere until there was no sunlight left to look.  I began looking again the next day, again no sign of him anywhere.  I have heard about old dogs going off to die, but I never knew of one until now. I still wonder how he did it, how did he manage to get far enough that we couldn’t find him.  I wonder where did he go?  I wonder how long he was out there or if he was cold?  I wonder so much, but I also know that was my Clifford…doing it his own way and so I have to quit wondering and trust that he knew what he was doing.  Just like me I started to research dogs going off to die and everything I read said it was a myth and there was no significant evidence to this…I stopped my research, because I know differently!  I knew Clifford.

I have loved dogs my entire life and have always became extremely attached to each and every one I have had, but this one, our Clifford was different by far.  You see he was Brett’s dog, we all know this, but he was also our dog too.  He was a huge part of our family.  He watched my children grow up.  He protected them.  He played with them.  He made them laugh.  He listened to them when no one else would.  He loved them when they felt sad.  He posed for pictures with them.  He chased them. They chased him. 

To some people he may just be a dog, but to me, he was not only a part of my children’s life, he also taught them so many lessons and helped me to raise them into the adults they are today.  He showed them how to greet people with love when you see them.  He taught them how to enjoy life!  Sometimes you have to work, but sometimes you may need to stretch out in the sun and take a nap!  Sometimes new friends can be the greatest blessings in your life, embrace that!  Trust your senses, if you sense that someone is bad, move on because you cannot change some people!  Always stand up for yourself and for the underdog, there’s a reason God gave you that strength!  Sometimes you have to stand your ground and do what you know…you may have to growl a little to do that and that’s okay too!  And sometimes you just have to chase the cows for the fun of it!