Clifford

It has been almost three weeks now since he left us and it has taken me this long to even be able to write about it.  I knew I would write about him when he left us, but I didn’t realize it would be this hard.  I thought I was prepared.  He was old, almost seventeen, which in dog years is almost 119…you would think that would be enough time.  If you told me when we brought him home that he would watch my children grow up and see them off to college I would have probably been elated and think wow, if I could just have him that long that would be just perfect!  Nope, I’m not elated, my heart is broken…I miss seeing his facing looking at me through the glass door every morning.  I still look, I can’t help it!  Every morning I walk through the living room and look through that glass onto my back porch just hoping to see him curled up on his bed. 

I look for many reasons…maybe out of habit, but mostly because I didn’t get to lay him to rest.  You see Clifford did everything his own way.  He was such a unique dog, but oh how special he was.  When we first got him he was Brett’s dog and for the most part he remained Brett’s dog, mainly because Brett is really the only person that he would let do anything to him.  We could all pet and play with him, but when it came to giving him medicine, getting a tick off, or even moving him to a different location it would have to be Brett.  He would run and chase the kids for hours…they use to play this game where one of them would lay at the end of the porch and the other, along with Clifford, would run across the porch and jump over the other one with Clifford right behind jumping over too!  He absolutely hated baths, not like a normal dog hated baths, but like it became so bad that when he seen us get the water hose we would not see him for the rest of the day! He was a red and white Australian Cattle dog and he definitely had “cow dog” in his blood.  I cannot tell you how many times he has chased our cows…when they didn’t need to be chased!  He also chased the horses too!  When I say he did everything his own way he certainly did….he refused to ride in a vehicle, front or back…he walked or ran wherever he went, no matter how many times we begged and enticed him with treats to ride!  He would only come in the house if it was bad weather and he would never get on the furniture, even when the kids tried to put him on the couch or the bed, he would only lay on the floor.  Oh, but if it was bad weather, he was coming in the house and not go out until it was over, no matter what!  He did not like other dogs coming around so through the years we had to gradually introduce him to new pets, he has seen several, but if I had to pick his favorites it would have to be Daisy, our little Dachshund, they just had a strong connection and although she was an inside dog, she would want to go outside and spend time with him.  They would curl up together often!  The other is Chesney, an Australian/Schnauzer mix that we got about 4 years ago.  We kept telling Haley once Clifford passed she could pick out a dog just for her, well the summer before her 9^th grade year we decided that Clifford wasn’t going anywhere and she could get a dog.  By this time Clifford had lost some of his sight, slept a lot, and just didn’t do much of anything.  Chesney gave him a renewed life, after just a few months he began running around, going to the barn, and sometimes even chasing the cows.  He even mimicked Chesney’s tricks in order to get some treats, Clifford had never attempted tricks at all!   Chesney is an amazing dog and we love him tremendously, but we never dreamed what a blessing he would be to Clifford!

I look because I didn’t get to tell him goodbye, but I did tell him thank you!  You see he had become extremely sick over the last few weeks of his life and every day we didn’t know if it would be his last.  He seemed to be barely hanging on, in fact he barely left his bed on the back porch and when he did we would have to help him back on the deck to get back to his bed, he was just that feeble.  However, one night a few weeks ago while working out in my shop here walks in Clifford.  He just lay down beside me and looked up at me with those big almost completely black eyes of his.  He looked so tired!  So I lay beside him and told him that it was okay, it was okay to go on.  I thanked him for taking care and loving my babies.  I thanked him for protecting them from the things that I knew and the things that I never knew.  I thanked him for playing with them and giving them so much joy.  I told him how good he was and how proud I was of him.  I told him that I knew he was tired and that he had done such an amazing job, but that he didn’t have to worry about them anymore, he could just go rest.  I really thought this would be the night, I thought that he may pass right then and there, but just like Clifford, when Chesney came up and sniffed his face he growled and jumped right up.  I just started laughing through the tears!

I look because when I got home one afternoon he was just gone.  This dog who could barely get back and forth from the porch to his bed was completely gone.  I looked everywhere until there was no sunlight left to look.  I began looking again the next day, again no sign of him anywhere.  I have heard about old dogs going off to die, but I never knew of one until now. I still wonder how he did it, how did he manage to get far enough that we couldn’t find him.  I wonder where did he go?  I wonder how long he was out there or if he was cold?  I wonder so much, but I also know that was my Clifford…doing it his own way and so I have to quit wondering and trust that he knew what he was doing.  Just like me I started to research dogs going off to die and everything I read said it was a myth and there was no significant evidence to this…I stopped my research, because I know differently!  I knew Clifford.

I have loved dogs my entire life and have always became extremely attached to each and every one I have had, but this one, our Clifford was different by far.  You see he was Brett’s dog, we all know this, but he was also our dog too.  He was a huge part of our family.  He watched my children grow up.  He protected them.  He played with them.  He made them laugh.  He listened to them when no one else would.  He loved them when they felt sad.  He posed for pictures with them.  He chased them. They chased him. 

To some people he may just be a dog, but to me, he was not only a part of my children’s life, he also taught them so many lessons and helped me to raise them into the adults they are today.  He showed them how to greet people with love when you see them.  He taught them how to enjoy life!  Sometimes you have to work, but sometimes you may need to stretch out in the sun and take a nap!  Sometimes new friends can be the greatest blessings in your life, embrace that!  Trust your senses, if you sense that someone is bad, move on because you cannot change some people!  Always stand up for yourself and for the underdog, there’s a reason God gave you that strength!  Sometimes you have to stand your ground and do what you know…you may have to growl a little to do that and that’s okay too!  And sometimes you just have to chase the cows for the fun of it!

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.    I Corinthians 13:4-8

With each year comes a new verse! You see, several years ago I decided to pick one scripture in January and that would be my verse for the year and every year, without failure, that scripture ends up showing me so much in my life and in the world around me.  However, this year’s scripture has far surpassed anything that I have ever experienced before.  You see when I choose I Corinthians 13:4-8 I chose it because I needed to learn to live like this, I needed to learn to live more like Christ.   I chose it because I wanted to love others more.  I wanted to be kinder, I wanted to be more patient, and I wanted to show these things to others so that they would know the love that I feel through Jesus Christ!  I chose it not because I think I am a bad person and I don’t do these things, I chose it to remind myself that the reason why we were put on this earth is to love one another and sometimes, oftentimes, we get so caught up in the other things of this world that we forget to do what we were created to do and that is to love!

So since I have chosen this scripture I have seen and heard it everywhere!  It has been in the craziest of places and I just smile and think I know God, you are just reminding me that it’s you who gave me this scripture…I just thought I chose it!  So as this scripture has been on my mind and in my heart for the last couple of months I have also been relating it to people and how they behave in various situations.  In my line of work I deal with lots and lots of people on a regular basis, and many times these people are dealing with various problems.  What I am amazed at is how quick we all are at judging one another.  Now you may be thinking, wait a minute, I don’t do that, but I want you to think about something.  We are so quick to wonder why people behave the way they do, why one person is talking to another person, why are they here when they should be there, why did they say that, why did they do that, why are they friends with them?  We are all guilty of this, we are all guilty of trying to figure other peoples life out when many times we don’t even have our own figured out.  There’s a scripture about this… “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:3   I have learned so much by just talking to people...most people have a reason for their behavior, most people have a need for a friend and it might not be who or why you think, people need other people, people need to love, and people need to be loved, but we are so quick to judge people and cause confusion and chaos in people’s lives that some people just give up on it. 

As I read back over this scripture again something else catches my attention…not only did God tell us what love is, but he had to tell us what it is not as well.  Why?  I believe because he knows us and how we get caught up in the business of others.  The love that God is telling us about is genuine and true and wants what is best for everyone….we don’t have to understand everyone and their lives…we just have to love them…it is really that simple!  I just have to think about people that struggle with any type of mental illness and that word may seem too strong to some, but I, myself, battle with it to some degree. I struggle with anxiety and bouts of depression, and I must say, that throughout the years the love of my family and friends have been what have helped me get through my lowest points more than anything.  I think God places people in our lives that help us and we have connections with people that allow us to continue on the path that God has set before us.  However, not everyone is as fortunate as I have been and don’t have the family that I have been blessed with.  While not everyone may have family, we all can be a friend to others and you never, ever know what people are suffering with that they may never speak of.  I have discovered that people are very different on the inside once you get to know them, I mean really know them…not judge them, but love them.  So before you assume things about someone, why not just love them?  Why not assume they are doing the best they can at the time?  Isn’t that what Jesus did?  Didn’t Jesus love everyone no matter what they were doing?  If Jesus didn’t judge while he walked on this earth, then who are we to judge?  I’ll tell you who, we are nobody…we are nobody without the love of Christ and all He asks us to do is show that love to others…yes, it’s really that simple!  Love is patient, love is kind….love never fails!