Well here I go again, not sticking to the plan---like
writing about Genesis 2 tonight, and although I read it I have to write
something else. That something else has
been on my mind all day and I just have to share my thoughts with you all.
I know I have posted some things about my brother, but today
I have been completely overwhelmed with what a powerful miracle God has
performed in his life and so with mine as well.
His prognosis was not great to say the least, but I can’t go into detail
about it because I never asked about it---I just didn’t want to know what the
doctors were saying, mainly because I didn’t want those thoughts getting in the
way of the promise that God had given me.
You see from the very beginning I had an overwhelming feeling that he
would be alright. Now I am certainly not
saying that I wasn’t scared or should I say terrified when his survival was
questionable, but it was like my body was telling me one thing, but my spirit
was saying something else. While I was
physically ill, I still felt a sense of peace that was unexplainable. As difficult as this was, as scared as I was,
I felt closer to God during all this than at any other moment in my life. Each day was a new challenge, but I can
clearly remember the most difficult day for me.
My family had been on an emotional roller coaster ride for days, but
this day was different. I clearly
remember waking up with an overwhelmingly strange feeling and so I immediately
started to pray. As I prayed I again
became overwhelmed with a sense of desperation, so I continually prayed, but
today I could never find that sense of peace.
I began trying to call the rest of my family who were at the hospital with
Eddie, but I never could get an answer.
I continued praying, now even more desperately and then God spoke to me…
‘will you trust me no matter what?”. I
kept on hearing it over and over… ‘will you trust me no matter what?’. At first I thought that it meant Eddie may
not survive, and I kept on questioning God about his promise of healing and
then I finally surrendered and said ‘Lord I don’t want you to take him, but if
you do I promise I will trust you no matter what’. Then I received the phone call, Eddie will
probably survive, but there is lots of brain damage. This was my lowest point…I collapsed into my
husband’s arms and begged God to take this all away, I just wanted for all this
to stop and have my family back. I cried
out to God and said, ‘I don’t know what else to do, I don’t know how else to
pray, and what else God do you want me to do?’
At this point my husband took me by the shoulders and said “you are not
going to do this. This is when we have
to depend on God because if we don’t trust him now, at this very moment than why
do we believe in him, why do we go to church, why do we pray? You have always told me to trust in God, so
if we are not going to trust him now than there is no use in doing all the
things that we have always done, forget praying, forget church, forget
God---you can’t trust him with some things, you have to give him everything,
you have to put every ounce of trust in him.”
This shook me back into reality and I once again found myself on my
knees and digging into his word. I was
physically ill for the rest of the day, but my spirit was growing stronger than
my flesh. All this came to my mind today
as I was driving home from spending the day with my brother. He was walking with a walker today, talking
up a storm, and cutting jokes with everyone.
What a miracle! It is so hard to
believe that just a month ago he was not talking, not walking, not sitting up
on his own, and not eating regular food.
And I did it again, I said something that within our family we decided
not to do, we decided that we were going to stop saying we can’t believe
anymore. How can we say ‘we can’t
believe’ something that we have been asking God to do. If we believe that there is nothing
impossible with God, than we can doubt nothing!!!!
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