Just to be perfectly honest I don’t know exactly where to start or even how to express what I have experienced over the last few days. I apologize for not posting Friday---that was the first day (other than Saturday and Sunday) that I have not posted since I started the blog, but I just couldn’t write. I tried, but nothing would come---instead I felt an overwhelming sense to pray, so I did. I prayed without knowing exactly what I was praying for. The only word that I can use to explain my feeling is sacrifice. I just felt like God was not only speaking to me, but was changing me and through this change wants me to share what he has revealed.
Since last Wednesday I have been experiencing these feelings about sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. What was God trying to teach me? I started praying and asking God what he wanted me to do, nothing would come, I just felt like I needed to seek Him for answers, answers to questions that I didn’t even know I had. Such a strange feeling, but my mind kept going back to the thoughts that I had a few days earlier about what I asked for when I prayed---how could I ask Jesus for more than he had while he walked on this earth, who am I to think that I deserve a better life than my Savior---who am I? So on Thursday I began to fast and pray---seeking an answer from God. In the past I have always had a specific reason to fast, but now I seemed to be fasting to seek God’s will and not mine. This was different, physically I felt very weak, almost exhausted, spiritual I felt weak. By the time Friday afternoon rolled around I was completely overwhelmed by feelings that I had never had and are very difficult to put into words, but what I can tell you is that I felt like I was not in control of anything---so I prayed and prayed and prayed. Saturday was the same. I had a women’s tea to attend and a shower, but other than those two things I was very quiet throughout the day, so quiet my husband kept on asking me if I was alright. My mind was on God more than it has ever been, I felt a complete reliance on him and quite honestly I wondered how long I could go on like this. I told my husband Sunday morning that I had been fasting about something, but that was all I told him. On the way to church tonight, we were talking about fasting and my daughter wanted me to explain why someone would want to fast. I was telling her what the Bible said about fasting and she said what are you fasting for. I told her that I was fasting because I wanted to know what God wanted me to do and my husband said how long are you going to fast? I said I don’t know, but I will know when to stop.
At church tonight a lady sang this song about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead and how his sisters thought that he was late, but Jesus is never late and he proved that day that anything is possible with him and that his time is always best. After she sang, she immediately went into one of the most anointed messages that I have ever had the privilege of hearing. While I can’t tell you the whole message I do want to share a part of it. She basically said that no matter our circumstances, no matter where we are at or what we are going through we have an intercessor, Jesus Christ, and he hears us and he loves us and he will answer us with what is best for us, whether we think it is best or not, whether it is what we want or when we want it---if we are seeking his will, then we need to accept his will. He is God and who are we to think that we know what is best for us or anyone else. We are to trust him and him only---no matter what happens to us, we are to serve and trust him! Then she said, he owes us nothing, if we never receive another blessing, his salvation is blessing enough for us. Jesus saved our soul and that itself is enough!
There was my answer---I felt an overwhelming relief and while it was not an answer I could wrap my hands around---it was the spiritual answer that I needed. It was as if Jesus spoke to my spirit and said the answer is me, I am your answer and the sacrifice is your life, your life that you give to me when you seek my will. You are to sacrifice what you want for what I want for you. I sacrificed my life in order for you to have the life that I would have for you---my sacrifice was never about what you wanted, only for the love that I have for you, only for the greatest gift that you could ever receive---salvation---your only path to me.
Tonight after reflecting upon the last few days I thought of the scripture about being faithful in a few things (Matthew 25:23). I was faithful in very little, I fasted and prayed, that was pretty much all I did, yet God revealed himself in such a powerful way. I also thought about the scriptures that I had been given to me by people that had no idea what I was going through. I was feeling physically ill on Friday afternoon when I received this scripture…When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it” John 11:4. Then about an hour later I received this…I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name Revelation 3:8. Upon going back to these scriptures tonight I realized that the scripture in John comes from the story of Lazarus. Coincidence? I don't think so---just another God thing!
I am not sure if I put this experience in words that explain it as I experienced it, but I pray that who ever may read this will see and feel how wonderfully awesome our Father is to us and that it takes just a little bit of faith, a little bit of sacrifice for him to pour his Spirit out upon you. God is truly wonderful to me and I give him my life for his will to be done. I know that it will not always be easy, I know that it will become difficult at times, but who am I to ask for anymore? Jesus is the answer---his sacrifice was enough!
With a heart overflowing with a love like no other I pray that God continues to bless all of us with his very presence, with the salvation that we receive through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, the Son of God.
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